The Commitment of Single Mothers

 Anna Savell

4/27/2025

African American Literature

The Commitment of Single Mothers

As someone who grew up with a single mother, I have had the privilege to see how hard these mothers work and how deeply they care for their children. Though I know it is the black single mothers who have it harder in the single-mother world. I have seen my mother go through some tough things in her life while still holding us, her children, up and giving us everything we could need. This has led me to not be able to even imagine how hard it is for the black single mothers who must do the same, but at the same time be ridiculed and face racism. 

These single mothers often choose their children and their children's needs over their own. So when this topic was brought up at the very beginning of “Sula”, written by Toni Morrison, I was intrigued by what she implied with the character Eva in the book. In the book, more specifically, at the very beginning, Eva is married to a character named BoyBoy, and they have 2 children together. However, after a few years, BoyBoy leaves Eva and their children and never looks back. He left them without any support or income. So, Eva did what any mother would do (hopefully), and she took off to try and find a job, a means to help give her children the life they deserve. And for her to be able to do that, she had to leave them for a year and a half (18 months). However, when she comes back, she is missing a leg and money. In the book, it was never confirmed where the money came from and where her leg went, but at the time this event happened, people would potentially sell their fingers, toes, etc, for money if they were desperate for a source of income. So in a way, Eva truly did physically sacrifice a piece of herself for her children. 

Before Eva left, she stated that she didn’t even have the energy to be mad. She was more focused on her children, making sure they had food and were taken care of. Morrison describes how Eva felt by stating, “But the demands of feeding her three children were so acute she had to postpone her anger for two years until she had both the time and the energy for it.” (Sula, 32). I think this quote helps us to understand a bit of how Eva felt at this moment. Though I am not a mother or a single mother at that, so I can’t relate on a personal level, I can feel the hopelessness she must have felt in that moment. Especially Eva being a black female, her opportunities for work or just a comfortable life without a husband or a male figure were already almost impossible. Eva describes to us how she would ask her neighbors for help, such as being allowed to get a bucket of milk in one scene. At one point, she also mentioned, almost having to ask for help, a job, money, or anything else. So the lengths Eva would go for her children speak volumes about how deeply she cares for her children.

However, based on the popular belief that someone cannot love others unless they love themselves first, does this include single mothers as well? I believe, though, that this whole statement as a whole is incorrect, and I think that single mothers are one of the things that prove this to be false. Black single mothers face too much criticism today for the sacrifices they make for their children. Like Eva, who was faced with judgment and racism for what she did, single mothers today still face those same things. 

These families face multiple struggles, one being financial problems. “Almost 70% of black children are born to single mothers, and they are far more likely to be poor than married mothers.” (The Factors that Led to Single Parenthood Among Black People, Rae Fairbanks Mosher). And, as someone who grew up with a father paying child support and my mom being qualified for food stamps, I know firsthand how draining it is having to rely on help from the people around you and the judgment you get from getting free meals at school because you can’t afford to pay. I know how it affects the parents and the children living in a household like this. I know that having to rely on help from the government, such as food stamps, can be draining for the parents. I see it in my mother, and now that I have gotten older, she has been allowed to express to me just how exhausting it is. But what about the black single moms? 

My mom introduced me to her friend whom she has known for 8 years. Her name is Amy, and she is a single mother to one girl. I had the privilege to ask her how she viewed being a single mother and if she thinks it has brought her and her daughter closer because of the hardships they have faced together. “Well, my husband and I got a divorce when my daughter was 4, and he does pay child support, but he is behind at the moment by a few thousand dollars. My daughter is now 15 and turns 16 this summer, and I love her and treasure her very much. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t think I would have been able to make it through the divorce. And yes, being a single mother has brought me and her closer because I have to fit into multiple shoes. I get the privilege of being not only her mom, her dad, and her best friend.” This was the response Amy gave me. Amy is a black single mother who treasures her relationship with her daughter more than anything. 

The second question I asked Amy was if she loved herself. As well as if she thinks that has a relation to how she loves her daughter. “I love myself as much as any other single mother does. I think being a single mother, sometimes you tend to blame yourself for the situation. I know for the first few years after the divorce, I beat myself down a lot, thinking that maybe the divorce was my fault and that I should have done something differently, but that never once stopped me from loving my daughter. Even today, I sometimes have those what-if thoughts about her father, but even on my bad days, I still love her as much as she other. So no, I don’t think my self-love has any relation to how I love my daughter.” After my short talk with Amy, she confirmed what I thought. When being a single mother, you treasure your kids and make sacrifices for them no matter what, and the love you have for your children never wavers. 

However, the single mothers aren’t the only ones who struggle. Children from single-parent households tend to go through a lot, and some of this includes bullying. “.., children from single parents are more vulnerable to bullying than kids belonging to complete families;..” (Single Parenting, Kids and Bullying Share Deep Ties.). Not only do these single moms deal with the financial struggle, jobs, and caring for themselves and their children. They must also help when bullying occurs. Kids these days are cruel, and even though single-parent households are more common than they should be, other children will still use this to their advantage to bully and ridicule these children. So, both the parents and the children have it rough. 

In conclusion, the research I have conducted has led me to the belief that no, you do not have to fully love yourself to love others. My mom doesn’t love herself as much as she should, yet my little brother and I feel unconditional love every day. Eva was tired and didn’t have the energy to love herself or even be mad at her husband for leaving her, but she put her children and made sacrifices for them that resulted in her giving up a piece of herself to be able to support her children, and if she didn’t love her three kids, she wouldn’t have went to those lengths to provide for them. And Amy, even on the days when she thinks about the divorce from her ex-husband, doesn’t let those negative thoughts stop or affect the love she has for her daughter. Loving your child unconditionally while facing the hardships that black single moms face seems impossible to me, something I can’t grasp. But there are people out there doing it every day while facing judgment, racism, and pure hate for providing for their children, and I think they deserve so much recognition and respect for the sacrifices they make. 

 

Works Cited

“Children of Single Parents Vulnerable to Bullying.” Secureteen.com, www.secureteen.com/bullying-prevention/single-parenting-kids-and-bullying-share-deep-ties.

Morrison, Toni. “Sula”. Published 1973, pg 32. 

Mosher, Rae Fairbanks. “The Factors That Led To Single Parenthood Among Black People?” StoryChanges.com, 18 July 2024, storychanges.com/the-factors-that-led-to-single-parenthood-among-black-people.html.